Do you have any crit. for this story?

Stephanie frowned, scratching at her wrist. 鈥淢om,鈥?she called, not taking her eyes from the window. No answer. 鈥淢om!鈥?yelled Stephanie. 鈥淲hat, honey?鈥?her mom鈥檚 voice drifted from the first floor. Most likely cooking lunch up. 鈥淪omeone left a package on our door!鈥? 鈥淥h, really? Who was it?鈥? Stephanie scanned the sidewalk and the opposite street. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know!鈥?she said, peering outside.

鈥淲ell, do you want to get it for me, please?鈥?her mom called. Something clattered on to the floor downstairs. 鈥淥kay!鈥? Stephanie launched from her room and pounded down the stairs, turning sharply to avoid the family dog, Cocoa. She reached the living room, stretched her hand out for the doorknob鈥nd the doorbell rang. 鈥淗uneeeeeee!鈥?came her mom鈥檚 voice once more. 鈥淚鈥檝e got it!鈥?br> Without looking, she opened the door, turning the lock and pulling the white door back. Stephanie blinked. 鈥淗ey. Is this the Farenharts鈥?house?鈥? Gulping, Stephanie nodded. 鈥淵es, why?鈥? A boy her age with brown hair and grey blue-green pushed a bundle of letters at her. 鈥淭he mailman put your stuff in our box. Do you still want it back?鈥? Something with part of her name was peeking through the bottom of the pile. She never, never, got any mail.

Quickly, Stephanie grabbed the pile. 鈥淵es, thank you.鈥? A letter for her? She began to sift through the letters, most of them to her mom, when she realized the boy was still standing on the porch. 鈥淥h, I鈥檓 sorry,鈥?she coughed. Stopping, Stephanie clutched the pile to her and smiled awkwardly. The boy nodded. 鈥淚t鈥檚 okay.鈥? Silence. 鈥淚鈥檓 Andrew,鈥?he said, bobbing his head.

鈥淚鈥檓 Stephanie,鈥?Stephanie said, smiling politely. 鈥淚t鈥檚鈥h, nice to meet you.鈥? 鈥淲ell, I鈥檒l see you around.鈥? 鈥淚 guess.鈥? Andrew turned to leave and stopped. 鈥淏y the way, there鈥檚 a package on your door.鈥? He went down the steps, turning right and going down the street. Stephanie stared after him. 鈥淗-okaaay,鈥?she muttered under her breath.

Stephanie didn鈥檛 trust boys, especially the ones who were nice. But right now the letter was more important. She continued to dig through the pile until she found a pale cream envelope speckled with brown mixed in with a newspaper and a letter from school. She put her letter on the top of the pile and looked around for the package, which she found sitting on the swinging chair next to the door. It was wrapped in brown paper, and was a little bigger than her hand.

鈥淪weetie, is there anything in the mail?鈥? Her mom came to the doorway, wiping her wet hands on a pink rag. Stephanie scanned the rest of the mail. 鈥淵es, a few business letters and whatnot. And there鈥檚 a letter and package for me,鈥?she added. 鈥淎 package?鈥?echoed her mom. 鈥淵eah, here, look!鈥? Stephanie passed her mom the mysterious package and the letter to her.

Tammy, which was her mom鈥檚 name, turned the envelope over and frowned. 鈥淚t doesn鈥檛 say where it came from,鈥?she said, wrinkling her nose. 鈥淎nd the package doesn鈥檛 say where it comes from either.鈥? 鈥淗uh,鈥?sniffed Stephanie. 鈥淚 wonder why.鈥? Carefully, Tammy shook the package gently. 鈥淲hat are you doing, Mom?鈥? Her voice was cautious when her mom answered. 鈥淚鈥檓 seeing there isn鈥檛 a grenade in here.鈥? 鈥淢om!鈥?

鈥淗ey, it鈥檚 possible. I鈥檝e heard it from one of my friends,鈥?her mom said, putting a serious look on her forty-year old face. 鈥淭here鈥檚 nothing ticking, for all I know,鈥?Tammy added, sighing in relief. 鈥淚 guess you can open it. But be careful.鈥? Stephanie took back the brown paper-wrapped lump. 鈥淲hat about the letter?鈥? 鈥淲ear gloves when you open it,鈥?Tammy instructed. 鈥淭here might be something in there, like itching powder.鈥?br> Stephanie raised an eyebrow. 鈥淲hat did you watch last night, Mom?鈥? Passing the letter back with a chuckle, she entered the house. 鈥淥h, just a few police shows.鈥? Stephanie grinned. Her mother was sometimes over-protective, but that was usually because she watched a show or read a book or heard it from the gossiping ladies at the grocery store. But this time, Stephanie felt like she should actually heed her mother鈥檚 advice.

When she went inside the kitchen with the letter and package tucked under her arm, her mother leaned over from the sink to watch her. 鈥淗aving second thoughts now?鈥?she teased. 鈥淣ope! Just taking some precautions,鈥?replied Stephanie, opening a cupboard underneath the sink and pulling out a box of clear gloves. 鈥淎re you sure?鈥?Tammy probed, going back to the counter and beginning to slice an apple. Rolling her eyes, Stephanie pulled out two of the gloves and shoved the container back into the cupboard. 鈥淵es, I鈥檓 sure.鈥?br>Do you have any crit. for this story?

Your beginning is intriguing, and I do want to know what is in the letter and the package. Also, I can envision a relationship developing between Stephanie and Andrew. I need to offer a bit of criticism: When you write dialogue, each speaker requires a separate paragraph. You need to indent your paragraphs. Otherwise, I think that you do have an interesting start to a story; keep writing, and I'll be waiting to read the rest of it! Good luck!

Do you have any crit. for this story?

Yup I'm intrigued. this is far from perfect, but keep it up. don/t push your characters around let them be. and remember the better part of writing is rewriting.